I have never been a daily blogger, but I used to post a lot more frequently than I have of late. I have been otherwise engaged. The situation has eased, so I hope to post more often.
My mother has been declining, with dementia, for the past three years. Things came to a head over the past two months. Despite having carers coming in three times a day, she began wandering and it became clear that she was no longer safe living alone at home. We had no help from the powers that be. Once the words self-funding are uttered “You are on your own” – this is a direct quote from a member of the Elderly Persons Mental Health Team in Andover.
Mum is now in a lovely home, and is relaxed for the first time in an age, because, despite having a one sentence memory, she was aware of being unaware and she was very afraid of being alone whilst also being equally scared of leaving her home.
She did not want to go, she was terribly upset, and it was very, very hard to be the big bad daughter who made her, but it was the right thing to do and she is now safe, and as happy as she is able to be. The worry of the past months, and the stress of having to make the most difficult of decisions has, I feel, aged me by ten years, as well as leaving no headroom at all for creativity. I am starting to settle into this new phase now wherein worry is diminished. I haven’t sewn, knitted, written, (creatively – copious notes have been made about the events relating to Mum and I suggest anyone experiencing similar keeps a record) drawn, painted, anything – anything at all – for an age. I am ready to now.