Do you ever get a formless feeling of dread? I have been carrying this feeling around for a few days now, I thought it was because the combination of being down on my uppers and having an MOT due created this mood, but I just heard than the car is okay but for minor things, and yet the feeling hovers.
Perhaps its due to working on Halloween bunting!
I do tend to get this feeling at this time of year. When I had my horse and pony eight miles away, I rationalised that it was due to the dread of driving in ice and snow – but horse and pony are no more, and for many years now, ice and snow have been very rare. I succumb, perhaps, to a primeval dread of winter, but I do actually like the hunkering down. I store matches, candles, loo paper and pet food – so what is to fear?!! We have a woodburner and plenty of wood. There is a larder Sarah Raven would be proud of, with jams and chutneys, beans and rice – and if things get too bad the Elderberry Vodka, Sloe Gin, and Rosehip brandy are underway ! I like winter food – I am a soups and stews Queen! I make a winter salad that nods graciously to my Eastern European roots and has received plaudits!!
Listening to the news is disturbing but not dreadful. I am enough of a historian to know that we live in truly blessed times in the Western world and enough of a Science Fiction buff to know that humanity will thrive on the challenges it has sadly presented itself with. After listening to a fascinating short on Radio 4 about the strange case of the Dartmoor Blue butterfly, I did feel a sense of spiritual crisis that might be described as dreadful. The butterfly’s life-cycle was so complex and duplicitous, sickening in its cruel deceptions, that I have ceased to consider mankind as a uniquely destructive force. In each of us there is a spark of the divine that can elevate us to wonderful acts of selflessness, but our low acts seem to be part of a continuum, rather than an aberration – more’s the pity. In which case I may be filled with dread until the end of days.